August 2009
84 posts
“Age shouldn’t affect you. You’re either marvelous or you’re boring, regardless...”
– Morrissey (via hellyeahmorrissey)
my "deal breakers"
it would be very hard for me to want to date you if:
you don’t like pets (more importantly, dogs)
you dislike morrissey or the smiths
you have a mustache (beard/mustache combo is okay)
you dislike tattoos
you wouldn’t watch harry potter with me
…that’s the list so far. i’m sure i’ll think of more. updates surely to follow.
emails from an asshole (#4)
Sarah's original ad: i want a black kitten if you have one please let me know thank you
Asshole: I have a kitten that I want to get rid of. It is my girlfriend's kitten, but she went on a three month vacation to France and is probably cheating on me every chance she gets, so I am going to get rid of her kitten to spite her. The kitten is only a month old. Unfortunately the kitten is not black, it is white, but I can dunk him in a can of black paint if you want. I have acrylic latex enamel paint, but if you are allergic to latex, I also have polyurethane semi-gloss. I personally think the semi-gloss would make the kitten nice and shiny. Let me know if you want him.
Sarah: ummmmmm no thanks. i dont think that would look right and its prob realy bad for the cat.
Asshole: I assumed you were allergic to latex and went ahead and used the semi-gloss. The kitten looks adorable now! Do you want to come by and pick him up?
Sarah: WTF R U FUCKIN KIDDING ME! EW
Asshole: Sarah you're coming to get the kitten, right? You should get him soon. He keeps trying to lick the paint, and I don't have the time to keep watching him to make sure he doesn't.
Sarah: NO I DO NOT WANT HIM THAT IS FUKED UP!!!
Asshole: Oh, so that's how you do business, Sarah. You made me waste half a can of paint for nothing. I demand at least $10 for compensation.
danielphawkins:
fuck fuck fuck why cant it be 4:30 yet.. jesus christ. this day has been SOOOOO long and slow and i have a million more important things to do then stand here fucking around on the internet at work.
i have a better question… why can’t it be tuesday yet?
July 2009
128 posts
does anyone know if there is a tumblog dedicated to photobooth pictures?
the dears - whites only party (home demo)
emails from an asshole (#3)
Man's original ad: FREE COUCH! i have a free plaid couch on the curb outside my house. the address is 39 ******* rd come and get it!
Asshole: Hey. I am tired of driving down ******* and seeing your ugly couch. It is ruining the neighborhood. What the hell were you thinking when you bought that? Nobody is going to want that thing! It better not be there when I drive past tomorrow.
Man: if you dont like it why dont u come and fuckin get it. tough shit if u dont like seeing it. its only been out there 1 day!
Asshole: One day too many. I don't want your shitty couch. Maybe I would if I was a Scottish guy living in the 70's, but I'm not. That couch looks like what would happen if a parrot and a rhino fucked and had a freak baby, and then that baby grew up and then took a shit on your curb. Why don't you pay someone to haul that piece of shit away?
Man: fuck you buddy! tough shit. drive a different way
Asshole: I like going that way because it is scenic. Well, at least it was until you put that pile of shit out there. If it is stil there tomorrow, I am going to come back during the night and cement it to your driveway.
Man: COME AND TRY IT MOTHERFUCKER ILL BE WAITING!
emails from an asshole (#2)
Asshole's original ad: "litter of 5 kittens. two orange, two black, one mixed-grey. all are three weeks old and looking for a good home!"
Yin Chang: hello. i buy all kitten you have. how much?
Asshole: Sorry. These kittens are not being sold for food
emails from an asshole (#1)
Shannon's original ad: litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested"
Asshole: I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?
Shannon: Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?
Asshole: To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.
Shannon: That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.
Asshole: I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.
Shannon: NO!
“you gotta be somebody, or you might as well jump in the sea and drown.”
– quadrophenia
emails from an ass-hole →
“People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Just close your eyes. Don’t...”
– Andy Warhol (via quotewhore)
xojoshua:
The Casualty—Cursive.
Feeling...
copycats:
Sleepyhead by Run Toto Run originally by...
the walkmen - “everyone who pretended to...
Watchwhispertown2000 - from the start
mattclark:
I like how all I’ve been eating lately is pizza and burgers, cause when I’m on the road for a month all I’ll be eating is pizza and burgers?!?! Fml.
i’ll take you guys somewhere yummy. excited to meet you! hope you like scavenger hunts cause it’s totally on!
beach house- “wedding bell”
Consequence by the Notwist
You’re the color ...
wienerschnitzel.
i caved in and signed up for a last.fm account today. i also went swimming and ate a hot dog. so far, it’s been a pretty good day.
the get up kids- “campfire kansas”
the new amsterdams- “turn out the...
an actual food coma
i slept so much and i’m still so tired.
you could replace the word slept with ate, and tired with hungry and it would still be an accurate description of how i feel.
That flash of plaid whizzing past you on the...
Anatomy of a Hipster #112.
Hell Yeah MORRISSEY! →
i think i’m going where glam went to die.
M. Ward - “Big Boat”
monsters of folk - “say please”
...
